I’ve been living abroad now for nearly five years. I feel I have
adapted to city life and chaos. Not a day goes by where I don’t hear multiple
car horns. It can take an hour just to go three miles. Everyone stares at me
constantly as if I’m some anomaly. I can’t drive with my wallet in sight or my
phone on the seat because “estamos en diciembre” aka it’s December and people are desperate. Just last night walking to my car, a friend
of a friend stopped me and told me I had to wait. I didn’t understand why and
was somewhat irritated until he pointed out the two guys walking towards us. Maybe
they were harmless, but I often forget that being a gringa in the barrio
definitely makes me a target. Perhaps I’ve become too comfortable thinking I
blend in, so I’m grateful for people with more street smarts than I that look
out for me. I am at the place where without even realizing it, I am on edge,
worrying about things I cannot control. The city can be exhausting. While leaving
Krispy Kreme today (yes they have those here and they are wonderful)
celebrating the last day of school before break and the excitement of going
home, I had to swerve to barely miss being hit by a car that was turning without
paying attention to what was coming at him (me).
While in our midterm exams yesterday, the kids all started
squirming. One kid said “miss I need to move.” I was thinking he was just
trying to cheat or get out of his test until I saw the cockroach run across his
desk. Thankfully I’ve become a pro at killing or relocating cockroaches. I
grabbed a book and took care of the situation and the baby cockroach that came
running after it. Needless to say, I feel constantly surrounded by chaos and at
times it can be difficult not having family and friends around you that truly
understand who you are. Don’t get me wrong, I have friends here and I am
grateful because they are wonderful, but it’s not the same as having people
around you that you have known for what seems like forever. It’s one of the
reasons that whenever there is a substantial amount of time off, I am on a
plane going home. I love going home and escaping, but sometimes going home I
feel like a foreigner in my own land. I know with Christmas a lot of people are
traveling home, and some are not able to do so because of distance or money,
so I thought I would write a little
about how to be “Home” to friends and family who are traveling or unable to
travel.
I love feeling like people have missed me. When my niece
Natalie comes running towards me for a big hug when I first return, it is one
of the best feelings. The simplest of things like Bailey, the dog, wagging her
entire back end as soon as she sees me makes me feel like I’m home. Having the
family just say welcome back feels good. It is good to express that you miss
people, but on the other end, it can get overwhelming when people ask “so when
are you moving back?” For a lot of us, especially missionaries, we don’t really
have an answer to that question until we feel like God is telling us it’s time
to go back. If maybe only one or two
people asked that question it would be fine, but having it asked over and over again
can be frustrating. Accept that if someone tells you they don’t know, then they
don’t know.
It can be difficult to return at times because my life
abroad has very few connections to my life at home. Facebook, email, skype,
whatsapp are all great things because they allow us to easily stay connected to
people at home, but it’s not the same as being home. I always have to keep in
mind that people’s lives do not stop just because I leave. I really appreciate
the friends that I have back home that when we get together we can tell funny
stories of our lives (especially those that laugh at my stories that may not
actually be that funny) or talk about the big things that God is doing in their
lives. I appreciate those that ask and listen to however much or little I have
to tell them. It’s not always easy to communicate my life here, so I may just
talk about simple surface details because that’s what’s easy to talk
about. Ask questions, but don’t expect a
deep answer, but if that’s what comes out appreciate it.
Spending time and talking is one of the best ways to make
someone feel like they are home, so make sure to invite them to hang out. If
you’re having a Christmas party, invite us. If a group of friends are getting
together, invite us. If you’re going to or having a new year’s party, invite
us. If you’re going to go shopping, invite us. Invite us to get coffee, or
lunch, or dinner. We may say no, but the invitation is really appreciated and
maybe we say no because we’re intimidated, so don’t be afraid to ask a second
time. If we’re at church or any gathering, come approach us and talk to us.
Sometimes we’re not sure where to insert ourselves, so invite us in. This goes
for foreigners living in your community as well. Every time someone invites me
to something here, it makes me feel welcome and a part of the community. There’s
nothing that makes you feel more like an outsider than standing in a corner not
knowing who to talk to.
I have been so blessed to be able to travel home for the
holidays, but there are many that cannot travel. Trust me, it is hard to be
away and watch celebrations that you are not a part of. Make a call, write a
letter, video chat them in to your celebration. Make them feel that they are
missed and that you value what they are doing abroad. It may be a little late
at this point, but send them a care package. Make them a video telling them
that you miss them. Ask them about their plans and how they are celebrating in
whatever place they are in. Tell them that funny story of what happened with
grandpa or your uncle or that great white elephant gift. Let them tell you
whatever stories they want no matter how interesting or how boring. Above all,
pray for them and pray with them whether it be on a phone call or video chat.
I am so grateful for the people in my life. I am grateful
that I have been called to live abroad because it has allowed me to appreciate
being home. Enjoy these holiday seasons and celebrate the gifts God has blessed
us with, especially His Son. Be aware of those around you that are outsiders,
include them, and make them feel welcome.
